Read Time:4 Minute, 30 Second
Tuesday 5th May
Wednesday 6th May
F&N have fallen out so many times today its been like I’m the referee at a miniature wrestling night.
Is it normal practice now for delivery drivers to take a picture of you holding your delivered parcel, or have I just had an odd one with a weird fetish?
This evening has ended with the following conversation
Frank: ‘Nancy hasn’t drank any of her milk’
Me: ‘Why are you telling me this?’
Frank: ‘She has wasted all of her milk, I suggest tomorrow you don’t give her any….’ Duly noted my 8 year old man-child!
Thursday 7th May
My overriding thought of today is that I should have listened to Frank’s advice yesterday. Nancy left her entire mug of warm milk that I had made her, don’t you just hate it when the 8 year old in your home becomes the solid voice of reason.
Friday 8th May
Nancy had another zoom ballet class today she has to abandon her actual ballet uniform as she’s outgrown hers – last week she spent most of the session hooking out the permanent wedgie that was occurring throughout!
Saturday 9th May
Darcy screamed at me for 2 hours last night, she couldn’t settle and was in agony with her teeth I have spent much of today hanging out of my arse…to top it off Joe had a migraine so was out of action for most of the day. I was as sympathetic as I could be, I’ve suffered from migraines so I know how debilitating they can be, however after 16 years together and 3 kids its really hard to actually give a shit when he’s ill. ( I know that this might sound heartless, but the feeling is very much mutual, he equally doesn’t give a shit when I’m ill – it’s just a massive inconvenience!!)
Highlight of the day I successfully had a beer poured at 5pm by 5:04 I had finished it and was on to my second the resulting fuzzy beery feeling was just what was needed when my cat brought in a dead mouse. The murderer dropped it at my feet and looked at me like I was in receivership of a diamond.
Sunday 10th May
It was a zoom extravaganza today starting with a morning quiz, where Nancy decided to flash all of my friends as we said goodbye, followed by a Grizzle catch up with the family which was well overdue.
This afternoon has resulted in Frank having the mother of all meltdowns and screaming at us all. It has lasted well over an hour and started because we ran him a bath…we both swear he asked for the bath so we are suitably confused to say the least!
Highlight of the argument was Frank trying to kick a cushion at Joe, him missing the cushion and kicking Joe on the shin….I found them both in various states of agony and had to muster everything I could to keep a straight face. I shouldn’t find it funny but the irrational screaming of an irate 8 year old is quite hilarious!!
Monday 11th May
The cat has brought me in another bird today, not dead but severely injured we are nursing it but I don’t like its chances. The cat is in disgrace and I’ve ordered yet more collars with bells on in a bid to hinder the hunter. This particular cat (we have 2) is daft as a brush I have seen him run full pelt into a fence because he forgot to jump at the right moment, I am at a loss as to how he is managing to catch all these animals. Our other cat is not interested in hunting at all thank goodness, I don’t think I could take 2 cats bringing me in this shit!
Kids are being particularly trying today just making inane noises for the hell of it….the eldest has my old phone and has found the voice memos app and the noises are boring into my skull like a pneumatic drill….he has also found and captured a pet spider…I hate spiders.
I have been trailing the internet for dried yeast, my stock levels are severely low. Its a staple in our house for pizza and bread making, but since covid-19 I can’t get it for love nor money. I have spent an hour shopping around and found that there are people selling it by the gram in little baggies on eBay I’ve been left feeling like I need an NA meeting!!
I’ve just looked up from the computer and the kids have covered the lounge in post-it notes, they keep on sticking signs to my back saying ‘slap me’ or ‘kick me’ and laughing like they have just invented this crap!!
N.B. I’ve realised that I missed Tuesday in my diary this week, I’ve been racking my brain trying to remember just what in the hell happened and I’ve got nothing!! Slightly worrying but there we have it another week of lockdown done.